Fuck, I haven't said anything in a while... Well its the new year, so that's all nice and dandy I suppose. First full proper decade I've lived through. Not like that actually means anything. Christmas break was good, sort of down cause its coming to a close, I've only got one more night that I can stay up late without any consequences the next day. I got a shiny new computer for christmas, which is awesome. Huge hard drive, good processor, plenty of memory; everything I want from a computer. I can continue to write my website, now that I can get MAMP to work and finally start turning it into PHP, which will make everything so much easier once it gets set up properly. Then I've got to buy a domain and space on a server. Then again, I don't think its really going to take off before I'm 16, because that is when I plan on getting a job, and because the whole damn world revolves around money, I can't really do shit without it. So I'll write the thing, but I'll be stuck without much content until I can afford to buy the things I need to make the stuff that I want to put up there.
My feet are cold.
Thats better. I don't know why my room is so cold, its not even like my face is cold or anything, just my feet. Go figure.
But yah... There is a lot of stuff I need to do... I'm not going to do it while break is still going though. I might as well be constructive while procrastinating then just take away from my time now. I use my wall and sticky notes as a to-do list, and I haven't updated of even looked at that for a good month now. I'm going to be spending more time in my room opposed to the basement now that my computer is up here, and I'm using a desktop rather than a laptop. I like the portableness of a laptop better, but I prefer the desktop. More powerful, looks a LOT better, and I can't hide what I'm doing, so I'm more productive as well.
Works for me.
I also want to read. I don't really know whats going on with that... I thought I was going to read a lot this break, but in reality I haven't really touched a book. I think I might have picked up LOTR maybe once, for a half hour, but apart from that, I haven't done anything. We've got all the old books downstairs in the basement stacked nicely on this shelf, and I've been meaning to go read some of them, but when it comes down to it, the decision I make is between reading and Modern Warfare 2, and inevitably I choose the video game. Not a big deal, I don't play on weekdays anyways, so reading will be my weekday pleasure.
They say that the first day of the year is supposed to be good, because the following year will play out like that first day. Frankly, I would be thrilled if I could live this day for a year. Sort of like groundhog day, except today was good, so it works in my favor. I woke up at like 11:30, cause I was up late last night. Had a nice breakfast (late, but whatever), and then went and played some video games. Lunch, had to clean up the basement, but that wasn't all that bad. fooled around some more, and then we watched a movie until I had to go to bed. Technically the day isn't over yet, but I like to think of days on a go-to-sleep-wake-up basis rather than by date and time. So tomorrow begins when I go to sleep today, and end when I go to sleep tomorrow. Works better that way. I mean its 12:30, so is it Friday night or Saturday morning? Technically its the latter, but I think that just become confusing.
I don't know. I feel like I've done a lot of nothing this break. I mean its not like I do things ordinarily, lazing around is good an all, but I think that 2 weeks is a bit too long of a stretch. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do come summer. Too much free time.
I wish I lived near a lake. Now that probably sounds really stupid and irrelevant, but its not too much to ask for, right? I think that now that I have lived in a city for 7 years, I sort of want to live somewhere quiet. Of course, while I do live in the suburbs, I live right on the corner of an intersection and always has cars going through it. My house has a bright turquoise door, that everyone knows. EVERYONE. Like to the point where directions to my house are "Its on jefferson, the one with the blue door." Most people know it already. Its funny to see peoples reactions when they find out I'm the one whole lives there though. Also, the computer thought that I was trying to say "erections" when I misspelled "directions." Very nice.
But I would love to have a house that is relatively secluded from everyone else, and have a lake within walking distance.
I could go there if I ever felt I needed to be alone. Would be a nice place to relax in the summer. But no. I have no lake. Maybe when I go to college I'll be able - Nah, thats not gonna happen. When I'm 40 and I have a family, I'm going to get a house by a lake. Somewhere that I can go fishing.
God the future is scary.
Sorry, I'm in a bit of a sad mood. Well not really. I'm not sad. I guess pensive is the right word. I'm not bursting with energy. I think the best way to describe this mood is if I had the opportunity to have sex right now, I wouldn't. I'm in that mood.
No, not the erectile dysfunction mood. The other mood that incorporates unwillingness to have sex.
I feel like writing down my thoughts. That mood. Which is what I'm doing. But I really don't think anyone reads this. Its funny, because I do write in a book that I keep private, but I like to imagine to myself that someone out there, who I don't know, is actually reading this. I'd like to have a person I can talk to that I don't know directly in real life. I feel like that would be nice.
I'm going to go type while in bed. Wireless keyboards kick ass.
Man, I forgot I'm using this shitty inflatable matress. My grandma is here, so I get to keep my room, but I have to relenquish my matress. Thats okay. I don't mind. I don't feel like getting angry or upset right now.
I wish my bed was warmer
I like writting down my thoughts. I would always do it on paper with this really nice pen of mine, and I did that until a month or two back, when that pen ran out of ink. Sure I got a new cartridge for it, but I don't like how the flow of ink is now consistant, so the writing looks really unnatural.
God my room is a mess. Even in this dim half light I can see that all there really is to my room is clothes lying around. I would clean it up, but where do I put teh stuff that I've worn but isn't dirty? I mran, proplr likr to wear a shirt once and wash it, which makes sense if you went and played rubgy in it or aomething, but if I'm just going to wear it to school... its sort of stupid.SIt also wastes water.So all that stuff ends up on the floor.
God this is going to be a bitch to edit tomorrow morning. All the fucking spelling errors... oh my god.
Eh, I just remembered that second semester in school brings along P.E, which I have to take. I like that they are trying to encourage kids to be active and stuff, but come on. I'm not going to grow up and play any sport in college, because I'm really just not that good at anything. I really don't want to devote 50 minutes every day to doing stuff that I don't want to do/. Also, swimming? My school has a pool, and swimming is fun, but I am a bit self-conscious about myself. I mmean, its not like I'm weak or anything, but do I really want to go around half naked in front a bunch of people I do not know yet am forced to see every day? No. Definatly not.
Sorry, where was I? If that last sentance ended in mid sentace, my bad. I spaced out, and me not being where I can look at my screen prevents me from going and checking. I'm also not going to go and check, because I don't want to. And if there is anything that I can control, no matter how small, I will control it, because it makes no sense not to. So there.
I think it woul dbe cool to be a badass, but I doubt I am really badass material. Well I don't even doubt it. I'm not. IThere are some times when I just feel like hurting something. I know that sounds absolutly terrible, but there are moments where I just feel the need to piss someone off or hurt someone. It hasn't happened to me in a good 4 months, and they only really last from a minute to a few hours, but they do happen. Do I act on them, or course not. its not like I go around punching peoople because I feel like it, I would end up in a bad place. But occasionally thiose do pop up. They are kind of scary actually, because I like to think of myself as nice guy. I don't think I'm an asshole too often. Of course I can be a dick sometimes, but I really have two distinct moods. I can either be fun and abnnoxious, or quiet and desolate. I'm more in the second phase, as I'm sure you can tell.
I'm going to talk about books now. LOTR is a good book, but its really a long read. its really deep too, in the sense that there is a lot of stuff that is in the text. Its got a really long and intracite story, and to be honest I don't really feel like dealing with something like that at the moment. I think I'm around half way through the first book, I nca't really tell because the edition I have them in is all three in one big book, which is hard to carry around, as you might imagine. But I read BRave New World, which was very good. I didn't like the ending thought. I like things with happy endings. I don;t like things with sad endings. When I read/watching something with a sad ending, I get into this mood. I just saw the movie 3:10 to yuma, which is russel crowe and christian bale. And Christian Bale dies in the end, and he plays a good guy (duh). It made sense story wise, but it left me sad. I don't like sad endings. I mean in the end of brave new world (SPOILER ALERT) Mr. Savage, or John, hangs himself because the people drive him crazy, and the finals words of the book just leave you with an image of his feet slowly spinning under an archway. Its fucking depressing. Sorry if you disagree with me, but christ. Just thinking about it makes me feel bad. I think that the book is good not even because of the story. I mean I like biology and stuff, and I want to do something sciency when I grow up. Biology or genetic engineering I think. And I love what the book suggests. I find it really interesting and I think that while its crazy, its pretty damn forthcoming for the time it was written in. It was written in 46 i believe.
I talked to Nicky by theway. Today. Thats what I meant. Can't delete beccause I don't know how many letters there are. Also, I've decided that I am only going to fix spelling errors if it is illegibe unless they are fixed, just cause I think it will give a better representation of what I was doing/thinking/feeling at the time I wrote this. But where was I .... Oh yah! Nicky. Yah he seems fine. I misss him. That sounds a but weak, but its not like I miss the physical presence of Nicky. Well I do, but not like that. And by that I mean like the weird way. No i just miss his crazy antics and his strange sense of justice and how he refuses to do things that are wrong and just his general nievity and such. Oh Nicky. And speaking of Nicky reminds me of Stevie, who I saw a week ago. That was fun. We just met up in Chicago. Got come of the best popcorn ever, cheese popcorn mixed with caramel popcorn, oh my god its sooooo good. Then we just walked around, talked, made fun of stuff, god some arizona iced tea from this walgreens somewhere... got lost, got a cab to the train station, and then went back home. It was fun. Also my parents don't know who stephen herring is, but they know who da big dawggy from xbox live is. I don't know if thats funny or sad. Probably a bit of both.
I can't wait until I get a job. I was thinking about applying at the gamestop downtown, which is like 20 minutes away. That would be an awesome job. Working around video games cannot really be a bad thing. Plus there ius so much usless shit that I really want to buy, but its expensive to the point where i need a proper job. And by proper I mean minimum wage. There is this kick ass pen that you can like record shit with and it does all this cool stuff that will sound really stupid and lame if I try to describe it, so I'm not goin to.
My brother is turning into one of those people who doesn't like the word gay used in the way where it replaces stupid. Not I say that like its a bad thing, I don;t mean it that way. I have nothing wrong with gays, I thing that they should be allowed to marry and anyone who thinks that gays are "wrong" in any way are idiots. All of you can go die in a whole somewhere for all I'm concerened. I thin that because of my brother not liking it, I'll stp doing it. And i do do it. What the hell do you expect from someone who games online, slurs are just about the only thing you hear up there.
Okay well I think I'm out of things to write about. If you actually read all that, congratz. It took me maybe an hour, and hour and a half to write. I congratulate you. But yah. Have a nice year guys. I'll try and write some more, not like anyone is reading this. All the best.
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